


For the First Time

by lyssa747



Series: Healing [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amputee Bucky Barnes, Angst, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Deaf Clint Barton, Fights, M/M, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7106848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyssa747/pseuds/lyssa747
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky have their first fight. Bucky turns to Natasha for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the First Time

"Hey, uh, Natasha. It's Bucky. I just... Look, Steve and I had a fight, or I guess a disagreement and... I just... I just don't know who to... I don't know where to go or who to call. You're the only person I could think of. Please call me back if... Uh, when you get this. Sorry."

Bucky ended the call with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes. It wasn't like he'd expected Natasha to answer. It was one in the morning, she was bound to be asleep... But he still felt a well of disappointment in the pit of his stomach.

He was glad Steve had insisted he get a cell phone now.

Bucky's hair was tied into a tight little ponytail on the back of his head (courtesy of Steve), the left sleeve of Steve's Captain America sweatshirt was haphazardly shoved into the left pocket (he didn't need people staring at him due to his missing arm), and the bottoms of the legs of his jeans were soaked through (from stepping in puddles). It'd rained all day, but mercifully, there was only a rough breeze in the air now.

Bucky was miserable and he didn't know what to do.

He wasn't mad at Steve, not really. He knew Steve had his best interests at heart. But the initial swell of rage that had come with the argument couldn't be ignored. Bucky knew that he was still potentially dangerous, even without his deadly left arm. He had to get out of the apartment so he wouldn't hurt Steve. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Steve.

So that left Bucky with nowhere to go. He'd made a run for it the second he noticed that his hand was balled into a fist and his jaw was clenched too tightly. Steve had followed him out the door, but Bucky told him to stop following him... Well, not that eloquently. He'd screamed, "fuck off, Steve!"

And Steve had, in fact, fucked off. Which was a combination of good and bad. On one hand, Bucky couldn't hurt Steve if he wasn't near him. On the other hand, Bucky wanted to apologize now that the whole thing was over, but his pride was keeping him away from the apartment for at least a few more hours.

With another sigh, Bucky sat down on the bench at the end of Natasha's block. He'd had the sense to go straight to Natasha's, but then remembered the hour. Hence the call.

Everything felt worse now that he was sitting outside in the dark. He shouldn't have left, he shouldn't have gotten so upset. Steve helped him with _everything_ , and Bucky had the nerve to get upset that his boyfriend was suggesting that he see a therapist?

His phone buzzed in his hand, causing Bucky to jump. Natasha was calling back. He answered the call immediately.

"Hey."

"Where the hell are you? Steve's called me like twelve times and he's panicking and what the _fuck,_ Barnes?"

Bucky blinked, slightly taken aback by Natasha's outburst. "I, uh... Did you get my message?"

He could practically hear the redhead rolling her eyes. "Yes. Where are you?"

Bucky bit his lip. "I'm at the end of your street," he confessed. "I was gonna come over but then I thought you might be asleep."

"Jesus Christ... Get in here," she said, and Bucky was met with the _click_ that meant she had hung up.

Bucky pocketed his phone and stood up - perhaps too fast, because he wobbled for a moment before finding his balance. He still wasn't used to the altered equilibrium that came with having one arm, even though he'd been missing his left arm for well over a month now. After regaining his balance, Bucky made his way over to the front door of Natasha and Clint's front door at a jog, not wanting to keep Natasha waiting.

He hadn't even knocked on the door yet when Natasha flung it open. She ambushed him with a rare hug, which he returned after a moment of stunned disorientation.

"You idiot," she said as the hug broke apart. "There was this thirty minute window when Steve thought... When I thought that you... Never mind, just get in here." She smacked him on the back of the head as he walked by, but when he looked at her, she had a relieve half-smile on her face.

"Clint's asleep," she continued. "But that kinda doesn't matter. What happened? Steve wouldn't say anything except that he was worried that you were... Gonna leave."

Bucky winced internally as the two of them settled down onto the ratty, stained couch that resided in Clint and Natasha's living room. "I'm not gonna leave," he hissed, more for his own benefit than anything else. He continued in a whisper, careful not to wake Clint up. "I just... Steve wants me to go to therapy and I... I know he has my best interest in mind. I know he does. But there's a lot of really fucked up things in my mind that I don't really want to relive... Just not yet. Maybe somewhere down the line, sure. But I'm not ready for some stranger to prod me into reliving things that are impossible for anyone else to understand."

"Did you tell Steve that?" Natasha asked, raising one eyebrow and pursing her lips a bit.

Bucky nodded profusely. " _Yes._ But he still says I should because..." Bucky let out a sigh and put on his best Steve voice. "'Putting it off does more harm than good, Bucky.'"

Natasha bit her lip, clearly thinking. Finally, she said, "You don't have to whisper. Clint doesn't have his hearing aids in."

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. "His what?"

Natasha let out a resigned laugh. "Clint's deaf. I'm surprised you didn't know that. Steve kinda does a shitty job of keeping you in the loop, doesn't he?"

"He does his best," Bucky said defensively, frowning a bit and leaning back against the arm of the sofa.

They sat in silence for a few moments.

"Steve's kinda right, you know," Natasha said finally, softly. She watched Bucky closely, waiting for his response.

He heaved a resigned sigh. "Yeah. I know."

"So what are you going to do?"

Bucky turned his eyes to the ceiling and unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck. "Can I stay here tonight? I swear I'll go back home and apologize in the morning it's just-"

Natasha cut him off. "I understand," she said, standing up and heading back towards her bedroom. "Get some sleep, okay?"


End file.
